smilestopscars | A House, Currant, Maine, Wednesday

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A House, Currant, Maine, Wednesday

Today's Coterie job had been a dirty one.

No, not the fun kind.

But not the supremely unfun kind, either. Just... literally dirty. There'd been a whole lot of mud involved. It had gotten everywhere, which was why Ezra's first order of business upon getting home had been to take a long and very thorough shower.

Second order of business, upon getting out of the shower, was to throw his muddily destroyed clothes in the trash. With a great big sigh, because he'd liked that shirt, dammit. Just, you know, not enough to go through the trouble of washing it.

Third order of business? Locating clothes to wear.

[ooc: NFB due to distance. Posted with one in mind, but open before her!]

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"Of course you could," Ezra replied, fixing her with a look. "You could have me on my knees, begging for mercy or release or whatever you chose in less than five minutes, darling."

You go for the not-smart answer, Kathy, you get reminded who you were dealing with.

He looked back at his phone and the takeaway menus there.

"But you won't."

Kathy sucked in a breath at that. Of the three men she'd slept with, Ezra had always known best how to devastate her with words alone.

"You're right," she said, voice a little raw. "That's not where we are yet." She regarded him with deep, dark eyes for a moment and added, "Makes my plan to kiss you after getting a cookie feel like babytown frolics, have to admit."

She couldn't pull off casual, but she could at least be honest.

Ezra didn't look over at her - possibly out of some sense of self-preservation - but he quirked a lopsided smirk anyway.

"You have a better chance of a kiss than a cookie, dumpling."

"I know," Kathy said with a wry smile of her own. "For one thing, I wasn't planning on asking, but offering."

Just a kiss, and probably only one at that; Kathy knew when she was playing with fire even if that didn't always stop her. But they'd been hanging out and talking and, well, kissing Ez felt right. Not in the way way that pushing him to his knees and seeing what happened did (which felt right in her pants, but not her brain), but in a way that had more to do with warmth and fondness and comfort.

Ezra exhaled through his nose, slowly, before he turned his face towards her again. "I would sadly have to decline, in any case, darling," he told her, lightly.

He didn't trust himself.

Ah, there was high school-Kathy now, in the confusion and uncertainty lurking in her eyes. "Oh," she said softly. "That's fair."

It was his right, after all.

"It's not your fault." She hadn't apologized, but he knew high school Kathy well enough to catch a glimpse of something that made him want to reassure her. "But the one before was hard enough."

"I'm sorry," Kathy said, reaching out to rest her hand on his arm. "I never meant to make it hard for you."

...Not like that anyway.

Ezra wasn't even touching the accidental innuendo. "No one's making it anything," he said. His hand covered hers. "It just is, my little spring roll."

See? This would be an excellent time to kiss him. Her eyes flicked down to his mouth, imagining it, but she just rested her head on his shoulder. "Let me know if that changes," she murmured.

If, not when
Because Kathy wasn't going to shove her expectations at him.

"I don't think it should change," Ezra replied quietly, resting his head against hers, "before we're at a point where everything isn't ruined by things escalating."

Because that was a real danger, things escalating.

Kathy wanted to argue. Hell, she opened her mouth to do so.

And then closed it again, everything left unsaid. Because he was right. Things had always escalated between them and as much as she wanted to guarantee they wouldn't now because she had more to lose, she wasn't willing to bet on it.

"Fair," she said. "It would mess things you with us if we escalated now, to say nothing of everything else."

She wanted him, sure, but she hadn't even figured out what that meant in the overall scheme of things. Or how she felt. Or how much she trusted him emotionally. And those were questions that couldn't be rushed.

Edited 2018-07-01 00:57 (UTC)

Ezra's fingertips tapped against the back of her hand. "Yes," he sighed.

Just that. He was rarely quiet, but this was one of those things he didn't feel particularly comfortable talking about. Everything felt risky.

He really wished he could've just fast-forwarded through this. Or run away from it. Either or.

Kathy appreciated that he wasn't running, but the fast forwarding made sense. Hell, sometimes she did, too.

She missed those few months there where she'd finally stopped being intimidated by Ez and they had been able to hang out and laugh together in between the everything else. She also missed the 'everything else' but the lack of tension between them had been--comforting.

"You know," she murmured, "this kinda sucks." She laughed, but there was no humor in it. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm not--faster at this, I guess. I'm sorry I came back so much slower and warier and scareder, I guess." She was perfectly aware that wasn't a word, but if he could use fabulosity, she could use scareder. "I'm sorry this situation is so untenable, but that I can't pull you in or push you away."

Her hand drifted up to his mouth, pressed a finger against his lips in a 'shh' gesture. "Don't apologize. You have. And don't tell me it's all okay or that you understand. I know you do, that's not the point."

Ezra didn't argue.

In fact, Ezra didn't say anything at all. With her finger like that, why would he? Instead, he smiled behind her hand. But it didn't reach his eyes.

She was right, on all counts.

Kathy ran her finger over the fullness of his bottom lip, then dropped her hand. "Should I go?" she asked him softly. "I could go if you wanted."

God only knew it would probably be easier.

"I don't want you to do anything you don't want to," Ezra told her softly.

It was kind of a cop-out, sure, but this situation was way too complicated for anything more straight-forward.

The look Kathy gave him was also declaring that a cop-out. "You get a say in things, too, you know," she said dryly. "Like whether I continue to be in your house."

Ezra shrugged, leaning back. Small gesture, but it covered a lot of vagueness he didn't really know how to express.

"Thought you didn't like it when I made house rules."

"I'm just pointing out how many you have for someone who doesn't like them," Kathy said. "But there's a difference between house rules you make so you don't have to share cookies and house rules you make because too much for comfort right then."

Kathy was highly aware of how 'too much' she could be.

"We can always do lunch another time."

"Or, my little crumpet, you could accept that this is one of those situation where I don't want to be the one who has to make the call."

He said it lightly. Made sure to keep his tone gentle.

"Don't force me into being a part of whether you're going on staying." Because he probably wanted both. And neither, and he just didn't want to have to voice an opinion either way.

"I'd like to stay," Kathy said, just as gently. "So long as you know that I'm always okay to go if you want me to."

And that being plenty on the subject, she turned to head to look at his phone. "What did you decide on for lunch then?" tone much light and casual than a moment before.

And Ezra was grateful for that.

"Thai," he said, turning the phone more towards her, showing her the menu. "I could go for a good pad thai right about now, couldn't you?"

"Oooh, yeah I could," Kathy said, delicate finger flicking through the options. "Or a tofu massaman curry."

Or, since it was the two of them, both.

"Thai iced teas, too?"

"But of course, darling."

With his other hand, he made a theatrical gesture at the screen.

"Whatever the lady fancies, really."

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