smilestopscars | Commonwealth Circus Center, Boston, Tuesday

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Commonwealth Circus Center, Boston, Tuesday

Even though it was probably surprising to a lot of people who (thought they) knew him and his lazy ways, Ezra was actually back in class this week. But it wasn't really that surprising. Yes, he was lazy, but he could up his game when the incentives were good enough. Like when there were a ton of hot people around. Or when he could do something that was both new for him and something he was naturally good at, and which didn't involve scaring or hurting anyone.

But of course he'd only really tell anyone about the hot people.

Or how hot he himself looked when he was wrapped up in the silks and suspended gracefully in the air.

He didn't text anyone during class today, because now that they'd all gotten hang of what it felt like to be in the air, upside down or not, there was too much to do for him to devote all his time to texting while he waited. But still, because he was incorrigible, he managed to get some new selfies with his silks, and even got one of the instructors to take a picture of him where he was victoriously posing rather high up, having successfully climbed his way there with one of silks winding around his ankle and between his feet. It was only too bad he hadn't thought to ask them to video it.

And now that class was over, and he'd taken a moment to shower and cool off, he was texting some of those pics to Sparkle, because he'd said he would. And Kathy, because surely she would appreciate some progress updates.

... And Ada, because why should everyone else have all the fun.

[ooc: NFB, but open for texts and calls, regardless of whether you're one of the ones mentioned!]

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Ezra just barely held back a meek 'thanks'. Because, you know, sometimes he had moments where he wasn't sure people noticed him trying.

"Kathy thought it might help if the three of us hung out together."

He wasn't sure he agreed.

"I don't know," Dante said slowly. "I love Kat, but she... tries too hard, you know?"

"Yeah."

And he didn't feel guilty about agreeing, because Kathy knew it, too.

He blew out another breath. "I also don't know how relaxed I would manage to be with both of you around." The parties and the like didn't count, those had other people present, too.

"I get that. And we're kinda fucking up all over the place when we talk," Dante said, "But I feel like that's better than us pretending to be on our best behavior just so she doesn't get upset, you know?"

"Yes." That wasn't sharp, just... emphatic. "It's hard enough without putting on an act."

And this from someone who routinely did.

"Or the stress of trying to guess what I can and can't do." Though that was more about Dante than it was about Kathy.

Dante blinked. "That on your mind?" he asked.

"A little, yes."

He should probably elaborate, huh?

"You wanna fill me in on that?" Dante said.

"I don't know how you feel about me and Kathy, these days." He'd used those words for explaining it to Kathy, too, so they probably worked now as well. "And I know she can do what she wants and that it's her business, but I... don't want to cause any more mixed feelings than I already do."

There was... quite a prolonged silence on Dante's end.

Finally: "You want an answer to that?"

There was a bit of a pause before Ezra replied, too. "Yes." No matter how bad an idea it might've felt like. "Because it's going to come up eventually."

And he'd rather not get blindsided by it.

Dante sucked in a breath of air. "When Kathy came back, the first time, it was like I got this block in my brain any time I thought about sex or even getting intimate with her. Like what she'd done had left such a big fuckin' wound in me and even just thinking about doing that was like stabbing my thumb in it. Thinking about Anders doing all of that when I wasn't ready to even think about it, that was like... someone accidentally bumping it with their elbow," he said. Voice not quite slow, but... a little lower than usual, maybe. Like he was feeling his way through something he'd tried to put his thumb on for a while.

"It wasn't something I was doin' consciously or anything. It was just a big block of concrete I couldn't get near," he said. "But it wasn't fair to Anders to tell him to stay away from her just because something in me just couldn't bear it."

A short pause.

"What happened with us wasn't as bad, but I think it like... festered, maybe," he said slowly. "'Cause that's a lot like how I feel about you now. 's not fair to her, but... I dunno. And maybe the reason I react so poorly with you half the time is 'cause part of me is just lookin' for you to hit me there again."

A final, short silence.

"Sorry."

Ezra took his opportunity to remain quiet for a moment, too, as he tried to parse all that.

He wasn't sure he got it all straight in his head. But he was pretty sure he got the crucial bits.

"Well," he said, slowly. "There's something I didn't know."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm through my yearly allowance of thinkin' about shit now," Dante said, running his fingers through his hair.

"I don't really know what to do with this information," Ezra admitted after another pause. He even sounded slightly at a loss. "Which is bullshit, I know, since I asked for it."

"There's nothing to do with it," Dante said. "It is what it is. Either it's gonna work itself out, like it did with me and Kat, or it won't. But if you and her get close... right now, I just don't wanna hear about it. Fairest thing I can do."

"Means it won't happen," Ezra pointed out. His tone went a little distant, again. He'd blame that on a tricky driving situation. "Because she's not going to do that to you."

"What she does is her business," Dante said quietly. "I asked her a while back to come talk to me if she felt comfortable doing that again. I almost wish I hadn't."

"So you asked her to make it your business." Sorry, but that was what it sounded like. Ezra sounded... mostly resigned about it, really. "Yes, see, darling, that's why I said she's not going to cross any lines."

"I don't wanna cockblock you, man," Dante said. Running his hand through his hair again. "I thought if she and I hashed it out, it'd be easier."

Instead of him dreading the moment he knew was coming, that she'd bring it up.

"You asked her to hurt you, darling."

He felt suddenly exhausted.

"If she knows half of what you just told me, darling, you've asked her to hurt you to sleep with me."

"I'm just figuring this shit out as I go along, Ez," Dante said quietly. "Usually I don't put all the words where they should until she makes me."

"Well, I suppose that saves me the trouble of asking 'what the fuck are you doing, Dante?'"

That was a whole lot of emphasis, yes. More than a dash of exasperation as well. You know, for flavor. Didn't really raise his voice though.

"Figuring out how to deal with someone who was my friend when I needed him, who made me feel like nothing when I needed him not to, and who's now trying his best to fix shit when he has less of fucking clue what he's doing than I do," Dante said.

Slowly. Quietly.

This pause was a long one.

Then: "I resent that." A beat. "My cluelessness is equal to yours."

(That was a lie.)

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