Ezra Sagishi (
smilestopscars) wrote2018-06-13 10:09 pm
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A House, Currant, Maine, Wednesday
Today's Coterie job had been a dirty one.
No, not the fun kind.
But not the supremely unfun kind, either. Just... literally dirty. There'd been a whole lot of mud involved. It had gotten everywhere, which was why Ezra's first order of business upon getting home had been to take a long and very thorough shower.
Second order of business, upon getting out of the shower, was to throw his muddily destroyed clothes in the trash. With a great big sigh, because he'd liked that shirt, dammit. Just, you know, not enough to go through the trouble of washing it.
Third order of business? Locating clothes to wear.
[ooc: NFB due to distance. Posted with one in mind, but open before her!]
No, not the fun kind.
But not the supremely unfun kind, either. Just... literally dirty. There'd been a whole lot of mud involved. It had gotten everywhere, which was why Ezra's first order of business upon getting home had been to take a long and very thorough shower.
Second order of business, upon getting out of the shower, was to throw his muddily destroyed clothes in the trash. With a great big sigh, because he'd liked that shirt, dammit. Just, you know, not enough to go through the trouble of washing it.
Third order of business? Locating clothes to wear.
[ooc: NFB due to distance. Posted with one in mind, but open before her!]
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Anyway.
Ezra poked her in the side with two fingers. "Yes, I can see the fabulosity has left you."
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With great effort, Kathy picked up her head, sticking her tongue out at him. "But my penchant for being a brat-magnet remains intact," she declared.
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Liar. But he would not dispute the fact that he was a brat, because he very much was.
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But high school-Kathy wasn't now Kathy and here she was, saying it all the same.
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You go for the not-smart answer, Kathy, you get reminded who you were dealing with.
He looked back at his phone and the takeaway menus there.
"But you won't."
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"You're right," she said, voice a little raw. "That's not where we are yet." She regarded him with deep, dark eyes for a moment and added, "Makes my plan to kiss you after getting a cookie feel like babytown frolics, have to admit."
She couldn't pull off casual, but she could at least be honest.
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"You have a better chance of a kiss than a cookie, dumpling."
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Just a kiss, and probably only one at that; Kathy knew when she was playing with fire even if that didn't always stop her. But they'd been hanging out and talking and, well, kissing Ez felt right. Not in the way way that pushing him to his knees and seeing what happened did (which felt right in her pants, but not her brain), but in a way that had more to do with warmth and fondness and comfort.
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He didn't trust himself.
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It was his right, after all.
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...Not like that anyway.
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If, not when
Because Kathy wasn't going to shove her expectations at him.
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Because that was a real danger, things escalating.
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And then closed it again, everything left unsaid. Because he was right. Things had always escalated between them and as much as she wanted to guarantee they wouldn't now because she had more to lose, she wasn't willing to bet on it.
"Fair," she said. "It would mess things you with us if we escalated now, to say nothing of everything else."
She wanted him, sure, but she hadn't even figured out what that meant in the overall scheme of things. Or how she felt. Or how much she trusted him emotionally. And those were questions that couldn't be rushed.
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Just that. He was rarely quiet, but this was one of those things he didn't feel particularly comfortable talking about. Everything felt risky.
He really wished he could've just fast-forwarded through this. Or run away from it. Either or.
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She missed those few months there where she'd finally stopped being intimidated by Ez and they had been able to hang out and laugh together in between the everything else. She also missed the 'everything else' but the lack of tension between them had been--comforting.
"You know," she murmured, "this kinda sucks." She laughed, but there was no humor in it. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm not--faster at this, I guess. I'm sorry I came back so much slower and warier and scareder, I guess." She was perfectly aware that wasn't a word, but if he could use fabulosity, she could use scareder. "I'm sorry this situation is so untenable, but that I can't pull you in or push you away."
Her hand drifted up to his mouth, pressed a finger against his lips in a 'shh' gesture. "Don't apologize. You have. And don't tell me it's all okay or that you understand. I know you do, that's not the point."
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In fact, Ezra didn't say anything at all. With her finger like that, why would he? Instead, he smiled behind her hand. But it didn't reach his eyes.
She was right, on all counts.
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God only knew it would probably be easier.
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It was kind of a cop-out, sure, but this situation was way too complicated for anything more straight-forward.
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