smilestopscars | Commonwealth Circus Center, Boston, Tuesday

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Commonwealth Circus Center, Boston, Tuesday

Even though it was probably surprising to a lot of people who (thought they) knew him and his lazy ways, Ezra was actually back in class this week. But it wasn't really that surprising. Yes, he was lazy, but he could up his game when the incentives were good enough. Like when there were a ton of hot people around. Or when he could do something that was both new for him and something he was naturally good at, and which didn't involve scaring or hurting anyone.

But of course he'd only really tell anyone about the hot people.

Or how hot he himself looked when he was wrapped up in the silks and suspended gracefully in the air.

He didn't text anyone during class today, because now that they'd all gotten hang of what it felt like to be in the air, upside down or not, there was too much to do for him to devote all his time to texting while he waited. But still, because he was incorrigible, he managed to get some new selfies with his silks, and even got one of the instructors to take a picture of him where he was victoriously posing rather high up, having successfully climbed his way there with one of silks winding around his ankle and between his feet. It was only too bad he hadn't thought to ask them to video it.

And now that class was over, and he'd taken a moment to shower and cool off, he was texting some of those pics to Sparkle, because he'd said he would. And Kathy, because surely she would appreciate some progress updates.

... And Ada, because why should everyone else have all the fun.

[ooc: NFB, but open for texts and calls, regardless of whether you're one of the ones mentioned!]

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Ezra's mouth opened, then closed, then opened again. Then closed again. There were several things he wanted to say (or some that he should've said, regardless of wanting to), and he tried to pick the right onw.

It was a long pause.

"Isn't there always?"

Shit, that had come out flatter than he'd meant. Wasn't ideal in any other way, either.

"Not nearly as much as the first year," Dante said, and you could practically hear his eyes narrowing in his tone.

Funnily enough, Ezra did.

So he inhaled, then forced his tone a little casual. "Quick question, D." Good start. "What's the situation between you and me?"

Kathy had asked him the same.

"We're talking?" Dante said.

That question mark was audible, too.

And Ezra exhaled.

"Kathy asked what's up between us."

"Huh," Dante said, noncomittally. "What'd you say?"

"That I don't really know." Well, he'd made stabs at an answer, but he knew it had been kind of a jumble. "That things are easier with her than they are with you?"

He was actually grateful he was driving. It meant he had a reason to focus on something else.

"Yeah, you and her have been getting along pretty great, from what I noticed," Dante said.

Mostly to buy himself time as he mulled an answer.

'Fuck if I know' was also an acceptable answer. It was pretty much what Ezra had given Kathy, after all.

"There are bumps in the road," he said, like that covered her move to Limbo City or the way she'd jumped to some hurtful conclusions during their talk. "But yeah."

"I don't know where we're at," Dante said, after a short silence. "Sometimes it feels like two steps forward, one step back. Other days, one step forward, two steps back."

Ezra couldn't help a snort. Because, that was just all too accurate.

"Yeah," he sighed. "That's about what I figured, too. And I'm at a loss about what to do about it."

"If you were calling hoping I had a better idea, you're outta luck," Dante said, sighing, and stretched. His back was cramping up all of a sudden. "I mean. I know you're trying."

Ezra just barely held back a meek 'thanks'. Because, you know, sometimes he had moments where he wasn't sure people noticed him trying.

"Kathy thought it might help if the three of us hung out together."

He wasn't sure he agreed.

"I don't know," Dante said slowly. "I love Kat, but she... tries too hard, you know?"

"Yeah."

And he didn't feel guilty about agreeing, because Kathy knew it, too.

He blew out another breath. "I also don't know how relaxed I would manage to be with both of you around." The parties and the like didn't count, those had other people present, too.

"I get that. And we're kinda fucking up all over the place when we talk," Dante said, "But I feel like that's better than us pretending to be on our best behavior just so she doesn't get upset, you know?"

"Yes." That wasn't sharp, just... emphatic. "It's hard enough without putting on an act."

And this from someone who routinely did.

"Or the stress of trying to guess what I can and can't do." Though that was more about Dante than it was about Kathy.

Dante blinked. "That on your mind?" he asked.

"A little, yes."

He should probably elaborate, huh?

"You wanna fill me in on that?" Dante said.

"I don't know how you feel about me and Kathy, these days." He'd used those words for explaining it to Kathy, too, so they probably worked now as well. "And I know she can do what she wants and that it's her business, but I... don't want to cause any more mixed feelings than I already do."

There was... quite a prolonged silence on Dante's end.

Finally: "You want an answer to that?"

There was a bit of a pause before Ezra replied, too. "Yes." No matter how bad an idea it might've felt like. "Because it's going to come up eventually."

And he'd rather not get blindsided by it.

Dante sucked in a breath of air. "When Kathy came back, the first time, it was like I got this block in my brain any time I thought about sex or even getting intimate with her. Like what she'd done had left such a big fuckin' wound in me and even just thinking about doing that was like stabbing my thumb in it. Thinking about Anders doing all of that when I wasn't ready to even think about it, that was like... someone accidentally bumping it with their elbow," he said. Voice not quite slow, but... a little lower than usual, maybe. Like he was feeling his way through something he'd tried to put his thumb on for a while.

"It wasn't something I was doin' consciously or anything. It was just a big block of concrete I couldn't get near," he said. "But it wasn't fair to Anders to tell him to stay away from her just because something in me just couldn't bear it."

A short pause.

"What happened with us wasn't as bad, but I think it like... festered, maybe," he said slowly. "'Cause that's a lot like how I feel about you now. 's not fair to her, but... I dunno. And maybe the reason I react so poorly with you half the time is 'cause part of me is just lookin' for you to hit me there again."

A final, short silence.

"Sorry."

Ezra took his opportunity to remain quiet for a moment, too, as he tried to parse all that.

He wasn't sure he got it all straight in his head. But he was pretty sure he got the crucial bits.

"Well," he said, slowly. "There's something I didn't know."

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