smilestopscars | A House, Currant, Maine, Saturday

Kathy had half-expected him to play it that way, in fact. Had wondered if he was going to give her a glib answer about foxes not answering to anybody. His honesty had her hugging him tight for a long moment in appreciation.

"What is it that you want?" she asked. "Do you know?"

Ezra exhaled another quiet sigh. There was a long silence, where he just drew haphazard, slow shapes against her back in place of saying something.

Words weren't easy to come by.

"I just... want to be worth something."

Kathy was patient, quiet while he found the words. She knew that Ezra and Dante both had gotten exasperated with her wordwalls, like she'd taken up the whole room with them and then left the two of them feeling flattened. And so she'd started moderating herself, choosing silence over speech more often, waiting until she knew how to say what she wanted to say, rather than spilling words everywhere.

And so, rather than babbling out a million thoughts and feelings, she went with the simplest statement she could make.

"I wish I could convince you that you already are."

Ezra's hand stilled against her back. The other one joined it, and they clasped together before coming to rest against the small of her back. He'd closed his eyes, and he felt her weight against his chest as it rose and fell with his breathing.

"I didn't say I'm not," he said, quiet, trying for light.

It was just that he was worth different things to different people.

Kathy tilted her head, hair tumbling over her shoulder, looking at him with dark eyes. "Ez, if I kiss you right now, would you believe I was kissing you for the right reason?"

Ezra could feel her looking at him, and so his eyes opened again.

"There's only one reason for you to kiss me," he said. "And that's that you want to."

He was pretty sure he knew what she actually meant. He just didn't read into it as much as she maybe was afraid he would.

"That's the only reason I would," Kathy told him.

She was never worried he'd think that she was promising more than she intended to with a kiss, but she did sometimes worry that he'd think she was motivated by something else. Like using kisses to make him feel better.

In another place and time, maybe she even would have.

But now, as she leaned in slowly, giving him time to turn away before her lips landed on his, it was entirely because she wanted this.

Ezra shortened some of that slowness by using the hands clasped at her back to pull her closer in. Not forcefully, just... making it known he wasn't going to turn away.

And he reached up to meet her.

Kathy was glad of the reassurance. She knew Ezra gave off the air of always being up for it anytime, but she had a memory of a conversation in a supply closet that said otherwise.

She kissed him, slow and soft. Not pushing, not taking, not even asking for more. Just enjoying the moment of softness between them.

Ezra wasn't pushing, either. This was still a little fraught, but at least he knew how to kiss her. Slow, soft, gentle.

Breathing her in.

He most definitely knew how to kiss her. Even now as she did her best to keep their kisses light, almost chaste, she couldn't deny that heat slid pooled in her lower belly at the touch of his mouth on hers.

One day, she hoped things would be less fraught between them. She was doing her best to make it so, even. But until then, she wouldn't give these kisses up for anything.

Ezra also hoped things would one day be less fraught between them. He also hoped for a lot of other things, however, including that people would stop moving into an almost literal hellhole he couldn't bear to follow them to.

You couldn't always get what you hoped for.

But there was still this. The softness of her lips against his, the warmth of her under his hands, through the fabric.

She understood that hope. She understood it very well. And she hoped that one day, he'd work up the wherewithal to try again, to find their house would be open to him, too.

And if he never did, she'd keep taking portals to his place, bearing smiles and baked goods, because she wasn't going to let a stupid city break what they'd been working so hard to build.

At last, she pulled away, resting her forehead on his, and couldn't help but smile.

Ezra didn't smile. But at least his expression was open enough, somehow bordering on a little lost, and he was looking into her eyes.

He exhaled a breath silently, slowly.

Kathy ran the backs of her fingers over his face, eyebrows quirked in silent question. But she didn't ask, leaving him to decide to answer or not.

But she wished she could take that expression away. She knew she couldn't, but that didn't mean she didn't want to.

He didn't answer. He wasn't sure what the answer was. There was just a lot about their situation that he didn't really know what to think about. Even after two years.

So he just closed his eyes again, and bumped his nose against hers, and tried to be silent but present.

"Gnome kisses," she teased, rubbing her nose back. And-- "Oh! Did you get my presents? For Valentine's Day?"

That holiday would always be a little rough for Kathy, and Ezra had played his own role in that. But she'd still sent him flowers and treats, determined not to let those memories win.

"I did," Ezra said, and just for those two words his voice sounded heavy with something. Not quite like a threat of tears, but also not entirely unlike it, either. And then it was gone again. "Cupcakes were very tasty."

"Bet they didn't last much past the morning," she said, like she hadn't heard that heaviness. The concern in her eyes said otherwise, but if he had brushed it aside, he likely wouldn't appreciate her doing anything but the same. "I'm glad you liked them."

"Ava had one."

No, he wasn't going to be acknowledging his slip-up. Nor opening his eyes before he'd be sure he wouldn't find her staring at her with her eyes all full of warmth and concern.

"Lock had half of one."

"Aww, you shared!" Kathy said, chuckling. Mostly to let him know she wasn't giving him illegal eyes again. "I'm proud of you."

"Sometimes, I can be generous," Ezra quipped. He dared to open his eyes again, now. She'd laughed, it felt like a signal of safety on that front. "Rare, but it happened."

"I mean, I'm still going to need photographic proof or a notarized account of this taking place, but still, very proud." And then, a little tentatively because Kathy was always conscious of what people thought of her... "Did they like them, too?"

"Yes," Ezra replied, with the lightly chiding tone of someone who thought she should've known better - but who also knew she couldn't help herself. "They thought they were delicious, too."

She really couldn't.

As far as Kathy was concerned, Lock and Ava probably saw her as Ezra's weird friend who slept on their porch and sometimes hurt his feelings. She couldn't help but want something to tilt the bar in a favorable direction.

"I should bake while I'm here sometime," she mused. "They might have a chance of getting their share if there's a batch of cookies for you and another batch in the oven."

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject